Word Count: 2620
Summary: In their last year at Hogwarts, Remus and Sirius finally give their relationship a chance, but a dangerous ritual, guilt, and fear threatens to ruin their bond forever. MWPP, flangst, multi-chapter
Rating (by chapter): NC-17 to be safe
Warnings (by chapter): sexual/physical abuse, language, violence
Disclaimer: The boys aren't mine, Hogwarts isn't mine, the Wizarding world isn't mine, basically, anything about which I could be sued for writing isn't mine. The plot, however, and a few choice characters are mine – hooray!
Author's Notes: Okay so! I know I haven't posted another songfic in the series since forever, but it's mostly because I was working on one and decided to turn it into a part of a multi-chapter. This is the result. You don't necessarily have to read the rest of it to understand what's going on, but it leaves off very unresolved. The lyrics from which it's inspired come from "Goodbye Love", which I seperated into three parts based on the musical sections. A friend requested that I do these lyrics, but I liked the plan for the ones I had chosen, so there are two versions. *sigh* So at the end, there will be 4 songfics from "Goodbye Love". Alright, onto the fic!
For those of you want to read it, here are links to the first two chapters:
"And as is true of any other strong and addicting drug, true first love is dangerous."
– Wizard & Glass, 341 Stephen King
It started as a typical Friday night in the common room; Remus was diligently memorizing his latest translation assignment for Ancient Runes, Peter was copying Remus's notes from History of Magic, and James and Sirius were "practicing" their Advanced Transfiguration spells on objects belonging to unsuspecting lower years. Though one of the first winter snows had just fallen, the fire was sweltering and Remus had lost his lie hours ago. Both Sirius and James had unbuttoned their school shirts entirely, leaving only Peter still in his full school uniform but sweating like mad. The newest addition to their party sat across from Remus in an overstuffed armchair with her Advanced Charms book resting on her folded legs.
Feeling several drops of sweat roll down his back, Remus pushed aside his homework and unbuttoned his top four buttons with a sigh.
"Something the matter, Remus?" Lily smirked at him from across the way.
"Just a bit hot, Lil."
"Ha! A bit, Moony? You're far too modest – I'd say a nine at least, nine and three quarters when you wear those jeans," Sirius shouted at him from the other side of the room so that everyone present except him was blushing.
Remus rolled his eyes, "Terribly clever. Now leave me alone, I'm trying to study." He'd been on edge all day and there was a hint of aggression in his voice, but Sirius didn't seem to notice and blew him a kiss.
The problem was, the more Remus tried to focus on his work, the more his eyes were drawn to his half-dressed boyfriend. He watched the way Sirius's muscles contracted and rolled beneath skin Remus knew was soft and hot. He watched the way Sirius threw his head back in laughter and imagined him throwing it back the same way but in ecstasy with a moan of Remus's name on his lips. He watched the way he writhed on the ground after a third year attacked him for turning her pet toad into an inkwell. She sat on top of him, tickling mercilessly and Sirius squirmed underneath her, breathless in between gasping laughs; he could have thrown her off in a heartbeat, but he humored her punishment with the patience of a big brother. Remus could imagine him writhing just fine in his own mind, only Remus was on top of him, equally breathless, owning him with every thrust. He opened the rest of the buttons on his shirt as a haze of lust began to cloud his mind, and he realized he was growling softly.
"Remus?" Lily looked at him curiously – her eyes raked over his naked chest, noting the flush on his cheeks and his quickening breath. "You sure you're –" she yelped as the book on her lap changed into a terrified-looking squirrel.
"Hey, Evans! Stop ogling my boyfriend, you've got your own!"
"James Potter, if my book isn't back in my hands in five minutes…" she fumed, chasing after James who was chasing after the book-turned-squirrel. Remus thought he caught the words 'hex' and 'bits' in the following threat, but he lost all capability for rational thought when he found himself with a lapful of Sirius.
"Is this too distracting, love?"
Remus couldn't help himself, he licked a stripe from Sirius's exposed nipple all the way up to his jaw, nipping him at the end. "Absolutely."
Sirius shivered despite the heat. "I'm sorry."
Remus nipped at him again, this time on his ear. "Don't be."
Sirius shifted so that he was fully in Remus's lap and lifted the other boy's chin so that their mouths were aligned and nearly pressed together. He barely had time to whisper 'okay' against Remus's lips before the now severely distracted boy crushed their mouths together in a bruising kiss. His tongue demanded access to the dark-haired boy's mouth almost immediately and Sirius obliged him with a moan. He was relentless, his tongue stabbing into the other's mouth with a vicious amount of force, his hand reaching around Sirius's back to claw at his shirt and rip it off.
Sirius pulled away before he got a chance and murmured against his lips, "Remus…the… gods don't…Remus, the kids…"
Sirius's eyes were shut tight, but Remus looked over his shoulder to see the shocked faces of about fifteen younger Gryffindors staring back at him.
He growled again and stood abruptly, nearly knocking Sirius to the ground and eliciting gasps from nearly all in the room. He grasped Sirius tightly around his upper arm and tugged him toward the stairs.
"Alright then, Remus, off to do defense practice; ever the studious Ravenclaw-wannabe, eh kids?" Sirius gave the younger Gryffindors a wink and the bolder ones laughed nervously. Another tug and a growled 'come on' from Remus and he let himself be pulled up the stairs to their dormitory.
Sirius had only just shut the door when he was shoved up against it, a hungry mouth sucking hard at his neck while hands finally clawed the shirt off his back. Sirius moaned loudly, he scrabbled for Remus's belt buckle and undid it with shaking fingers. The young werewolf was still sucking and biting purple love-bites into his lover's neck – he had never wanted anything more than the taste of Sirius, except perhaps the feel of him writhing beneath him and screaming Remus's name.
He began to feel different parts of himself take over – he could smell the unmistakable salt of sweat, musky arousal, and sweet, warm lust thickened the room's air so much that Remus was amazed he could still breathe. The thoughts running through his mind ceased forming complete sentences. Mate. Mine. He pressed himself against Sirius, slamming the other boy's hips into the wood, hard, gripping his shoulders to pull their chests flush together. Sirius tried to wriggle away to push them back toward the bed, but Remus squeezed his shoulders harder, digging his nails into the soft flesh there. Reaching around himself, he captured Sirius's hands and placed them on Sirius's own steel belt buckle and growled in his lover's ear, "Off," sliding the wrinkled shirt from his shoulders as he watched Sirius frantically undress.
Remus captured his lips and tongue for another brutal kiss; their hands were getting tangled trying to undo their own trousers and each ended up pushing to others to the floor. Resuming his assault on Sirius, Remus descended on his chest and bit, hard, over his left nipple. Sirius cried out, but the young werewolf barely registered it and continued to bite and suck the surrounding areas. The bites from earlier were beginning to swell and purple, leaving Sirius whimpering every time his lover's fingers brushed over them. He rubbed his growing erection against Remus's thigh, prompting a moan from the other boy and resulting in Sirius being jerked violently away from the door toward the bed. Remus turned and stalked toward him, meeting his lips briefly before murmuring a word against them, "Curtains."
As Sirius hurried around to the other side of the bed to close the curtains around them, Remus laid back on the pillows and tried to bring himself together. His head was swimming with a thousand different emotions – the only time he had ever felt this fully out-of-control was during his transformation and the wolf was starting to edge its way into his mind, one bite, one scratch at a time. He took a few deep breaths to try and bring himself back, trying to ignore the strength he felt flowing through his veins and his extremely heightened sense of smell that had him practically able to feel Sirius's heartbeat throbbing in his own skull. He had never had to fight it before; at the full moon he just gave in – the wolf was too strong for him. But he had to fight it…just a bit more…for Sirius…his mate.
He felt himself bounce on the bed as Sirius leapt between his knees, and when he felt himself sucked down the other boy's throat, he gasped and saw red. It was over. His rational mind evaporated and gave way to his animal instincts, and Remus reveled in it. He savored the feel of his lover's mouth, hot and wet and so talented, applying the perfect amount of suction, small moans creating delicious vibrations – he could only think of one place he'd rather be – but not yet. Grabbing Sirius by fistfuls of hair, he thrust his cock down his lover's throat forcefully, feeling his Sirius's throat spasm as he fought back his gag-reflex. It was a familiar sensation, but it had never made Remus howl before – this time he did. He began yanking on Sirius's hair and when he pulled away in protest Remus snarled, so he relented and let the stronger boy fuck his throat. Normally, Remus would have felt a massive pang of guilt, but now all he thought was Mine, and suddenly, he wanted to be deeper inside, deeper then either of them had been before.
He released a hand from Sirius's hair and, hooking a hand under his shoulder, pulled Sirius up from between his legs. Remus barely gave him the chance to catch a breath before kissing him, tasting a bit of himself on Sirius's lips. In a sudden move he flipped them, Sirius landing on his back with a grunt and Remus kneeling above him looking ravenous. The golden flecks in his eyes were nearly glowing though there was no light in the room save moonlight. Something flared in Sirius's chest – he had never seen Remus so aggressive, and it was dangerous, exciting – things that he would not usually associate with his passive bookworm of a boyfriend. This wasn't Remus as he knew him, this was the Remus that was hidden from the world, only emerging on nights when the full moon demanded it. All of a sudden, he wasn't quite sure he wanted to go through with this. Sirius was not a virgin in the traditional sense of the word, but he had never gone this far with another man before, and though he was more than willing to do so with Remus, he would much rather it be under less…brutal circumstances. Remus would never hurt him, there was no doubt about that, but the being ravaging him was beginning to feel less and less like the boy he was falling in love with, and he wasn't so sure that this new presence wouldn't do him any damage.
"Remus…maybe we should wa –" a sharp cry rang out as the werewolf bit down hard on his belly, creating a painful ring of tiny marks.
"Damn, Remus, that bloody hurt!" Sirius scolded, squirming to get away, but Remus only growled into his skin and bit down again, right next to the first swelling bite.
"Ouch! Fuck, Remus, stop it!" Sirius pushed at the other boy's chest, urging him off, and when he looked down to try and figure out how to untangle his legs he missed the sight of Remus's hand clenching and drawing back.
When Remus's hardened fist made contact with the soft flesh of Sirius's side, he swore he felt something give beneath his knuckles and Sirius's cried out in pain. To either side of his body, Sirius's legs jerked in slight kicking motions that became more awkward as Remus twisted his lover's arms to pin them underneath his body. One of Sirius's feet caught him softly in the back of the head and Remus was suddenly done 'playing'; he growled deeply and dug his knee into the rapidly darkening bruise he had just made over his ribs, bringing his hands up to curl around Sirius's shoulders, nails and fingers digging in deeply, effectively pinning him to the bed. "No." That one word stopped all action on Sirius's part; he was clearly stunned into submission and couldn't bring himself to move, even as Remus reclaimed his position between the other boy's thighs.
Remus poised himself to make a brutal thrust into the trembling body beneath him when he realized with sobering horror that Sirius's entire scent had changed. Fear; it was only fear, no love, no possession, no lust, not even desire, and the muscles underneath his constricting hands were taut with it. Taut with absolute terror. His eyes snapped open and stared into the face below him. One of Sirius's eyes was squeezed tight shut, the other shut slightly in sympathy but remained open to watch Remus so that he could anticipate where the pain would come from next – a trick he had learned from sessions with his loving mother. That eye echoed his scent, fearful and anxious, and made something snap inside the werewolf's mind. Immediately all the haze that had clouded his mind and judgment earlier burned away and the alarm bells that he should have heard long ago rang inside his skull. Remus gasped and sat back on his heels, surveying the damage he'd done to his boyfriend's immaculate body. Sirius had now shut both his eyes tight, his breath coming in hitched gasps, bruises taking on shades of dark grey in the dim lighting, large slashes from fingernails outlined by small rivulets of blood pooling at the surface. Remus blanched and fell with a thud to the floor as he scrambled off the bed.
Sirius felt the bed shift and his eyes fluttered open. "Remus, wait!" But as he rolled onto his side, he cried out and slumped over, unable to move for the jarring pain in his ribs.
Remus rose to his knees and crawled over to where Sirius's and his clothing lay neglected on the floor. Every thought running through his mind was a bad one, a little voice taunting him that it was all over and Sirius was in pain and it was all his fault and he should feel so guilty because he knew this was going to happen. He was furious with himself as he hastily pulled his clothes back on. What the fuck had he been thinking?! He turned and gave Sirius one last grief-filled look before throwing open the door and forcing himself down the stairs. He still had to get away, but something else first. Sirius. Sirius hadn't been able to move from the bed; he needed to go to the Infirmary. Stumbling into the common room, he searched frantically over the faces until landing on one plastered to a red-head's. Still not thinking incredibly clearly, he yanked James's arm, effectively separating him from Lily and earning him an evil glare.
"What the hell, Remus!" James said indignantly. His face fell, however, when he took in Remus's disheveled and distraught appearance. "Moony…what's the matter?" His eyes flicked up to their dorm room. "Where's Sirius?"
Remus was shaking with control by this point; he could still keep it together, but only for a bit longer, which, if he were any other bystander, he would consider to be quite impressive. "Upstairs. I need you to get him and take him to Poppy, no matter what he says." Remus pleaded with him, "He won't want to go with you, but I don't care – force him; hex him if you have to."
James was looking at him with a look of disbelief. "Remus, what in Merlin's name –"
"Promise me, James." Remus squeezed his arm and gave him the most desperate look he could muster.
"Yeah, of course…" the young werewolf gave a brief nod and walked, still composed but on the breaking point, toward the door. "Oi! Where are you going?"
Remus looked between James and Lily, both with expressions of the deepest concern on their faces. "I…" he began, but his well-contained agony broke through; he threw open the portrait-door with a sob and flung himself into the cold labyrinth of the castle.
From RENT's "Goodbye Love"
Please don't touch me
Understand, I'm scared
I need to go away…
Wrenching cliff-hanger, I know. Sorry! =)